I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
