Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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