I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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