Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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