So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
my being single is dangerous.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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