i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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