In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
