ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
