you would pick up someone in the library
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.