I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office