Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again