Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(312): View more from Illinois

You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on

(384): View more from

How come?

(312): View more from Illinois

Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message

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(312): You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on (384): How come? (312): Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message http://tfl.nu/r9u6

Replies (29) Good night (641) Bad night (1676)
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.

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(814): In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words. http://tfl.nu/vqcb

Replies (25) Good night (1284) Bad night (2624)
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(630): View more from Illinois

after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked

(708): View more from Illinois

so?

(630): View more from Illinois

then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas

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(630): after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked (708): so? (630): then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas http://tfl.nu/17ue

Replies (18) Good night (4607) Bad night (689)
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(937): View more from Ohio

I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.

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(937): I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving. http://tfl.nu/skfa

Replies (8) Good night (3905) Bad night (814)
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(530): View more from California

dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often

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(530): dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often http://tfl.nu/lo0b

Replies (10) Good night (4495) Bad night (825)
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(770): View more from Georgia

No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.

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(770): No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party. http://tfl.nu/c4s1

Replies (9) Good night (3584) Bad night (734)
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(630): View more from Illinois

He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.

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(630): He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding. http://tfl.nu/mxqh

Replies (1) Good night (1304) Bad night (2577)
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(301): View more from Maryland

Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.

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(301): Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip. http://tfl.nu/7yby

Replies (64) Good night (3140) Bad night (5364)
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(575): View more from New Mexico

I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"

(575): View more from New Mexico

Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.

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(575): I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here" (575): Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life. http://tfl.nu/q6db

Replies (9) Good night (2307) Bad night (806)
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(619): View more from California

I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.

(1-619): View more from California

Very innocently.

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(619): I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend. (1-619): Very innocently. http://tfl.nu/o8xf

Replies (19) Good night (3095) Bad night (699)
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(708): View more from Illinois

My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.

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(708): My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with. http://tfl.nu/rm3v

Replies (15) Good night (2383) Bad night (769)
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(209): View more from California

We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.

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(209): We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela. http://tfl.nu/h3z9

Replies (3) Good night (891) Bad night (391)
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(678): View more from Georgia

I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.

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(678): I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated. http://tfl.nu/ulsy

Replies (3) Good night (533) Bad night (725)
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(713): View more from Texas

I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.

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(713): I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it. http://tfl.nu/p4p1

Replies (9) Good night (1484) Bad night (523)
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(315): View more from New York

My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD

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(315): My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD http://tfl.nu/z1nh

Replies (10) Good night (1636) Bad night (510)

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