Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.