Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.

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(765): View more from Indiana

let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.

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(714): View more from California

drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..

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23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Read it at the TFLN blog
(417): View more from Missouri

I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.

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(207): View more from Maine

making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned

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(513): View more from Ohio

I think they're German

(203): View more from Connecticut

Just say lederhosen and see what happens

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(347): View more from New York

I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking

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(334): View more from Alabama

Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.

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