Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
