If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You were trust falling into bushes
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
