This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
