but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
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we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
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I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
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