everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
