1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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