he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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