my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
