I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
