wanna go halves on a baby?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
