do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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