dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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