He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
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Dignity is for republicans.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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