Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
