He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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