she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
