you guys were way drunker than both of me
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
