i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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