found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
