The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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