Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
