Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
