Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
