This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
