She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
