I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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