Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
