Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
