guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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