ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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