He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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