We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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