i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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