I'm gonna have a badass scar
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
