I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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