Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
