We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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