and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
