so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize