Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
