Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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