You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
