oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm way too hungover for life right now
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
