You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
