do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
