You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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