dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
