So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
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I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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