sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
