I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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