A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
