So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
