I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
