..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i was born a porn star she said
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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