Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
