I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
