hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
