Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
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he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
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in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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