time to smoke my breakfast
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
