I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
