she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
