mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
