she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I FOUND THE LEGS
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
