some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
